Sunday, November 30, 2008

And now, for something completely different! #1

I'm not just a perv who's into fat chicks. I have deep and meaningful thoughts on a diverse number of subjects, which is showing how ballsy I'm getting, never would have considered mixing my opinions with this subject on the really rare chance someone I know would figure it out. But I'm starting to feel a sort of pride for what I'm into, that and the entire title of the blog is refuted if all I talk about is big girls.

So lets begin, astrobiology, yeah, none of you saw it coming. Astrobiology is a strange sect of science, as it is, on a similar level with string theorists, as it is based in less science than other earth based sects. Unlike string theory, astrobiology isn't bullshit. They use the empirical method, they do not base facts on nothing, they simply assume too much, simply because there's no way of figuring many of the variables. Anyways, several of you may be wondering at this point what astrobiology is. Astrobiology is the study of life off of earth, be it on mars, be it in the Andromeda galaxy, life elsewhere in our universe, several earth lifeforms capable of prolonged exposure to the conditions of space are also studied extensively by these scientists. The goal of Astrobiologists is quite extensive, it is to truly understand life. To understand how it forms naturally in the universe, what compounds are capable of supporting a system of life, where can life exist, how can it exist, how evolution would function on planets much different from our own. And at the moment most important, to discover life off of our planet.

Now, this subject greatly interests me, not only is it important to understand ourselves better, something that could lead to untold medical breakthroughs and a true understanding of evolution, it is also one of the best, most credible ways to decrease religious belief, which would end a lot of ignorance. Not only that, but the idea of life being this tenacious bastard of a thing which exists almost everywhere, and acts unstoppable, it evolves, reproduces, and one cell can increase to an incredibly diverse and complex community.

My problem with it is how scientists approach it. Its pretty much clusterfucked, with little apparent organization. Scientists as a whole need to realize as great as it would be to prove, one molecule at a time that every natural existing substance on earth is found in the universe, it makes no difference whether or not we prove this because its like playing chess and aiming for the pawns. Its useless, and chances are you'll lose more valuable pieces in the process (In this metaphor, the more valuable pieces are GRANT MONEY!).

Sure we can state all the physical building blocks for life exist, it is also useful to figure out which sections of the universe have prime radiation levels for life. But life isn't an object, or a state of energy. Its the result of energy animating organic matter into an automaton capable of sustaining its animation with an energy source, and producing duplicates of itself. Stating the energy suitable for life, or the ingredients for life are present is useless, because how do we know other materials or energy levels are incapable of supporting a system of life, carbon based life is all we know, and we can't limit ourselves to thinking only carbon. Our jumps with artificial and intelligence may become so advanced one day we'll be able to create artificial life forms, capable of all of life's functions, but functioning using silicone as a base instead of carbon. There may be methane based life on Titan, its even been proposed that ammonia based life could exist in an environment as turbulent as Jupiter.

We need to focus all of this on finding life, not organics in big clouds, or planet fertile areas in galaxies billions of parsecs away. If we crack down and search under every rock in our solar system for life, and if we even find a humble bacterium, we'll realize how prevalent life is. Hypothesis confirmed, the universe is probably teeming with life if it can survive in such harsh places. Next step is to find multi-celled life, after that life forms operating on a sexual reproduction method, something that combines DNA in a way which causes more mutations. Then, and only then can we focus on finding sentience. Honestly, sure its great to prove the existance of these materials, but chemical bonds exist outside of our sphere, its not surprising they can configure atoms into a familiar way somewhere thousands of light years off.

I want us as a whole to understand everything that astrobiologists are researching, but they do not get nearly enough money to waste it searching for things other than smoking guns. Extrasolar planets in my mind are another good thing to be looking at, we're advancing a lot with methods for detecting and observing planets outside of our solar system, soon we'll be able to SEE planets we assume to be habitable. One day humanity will see the importance of the research, if we give them life, we will get more resources to discover more of this data.

I also used a post from an internet forum I frequent in this post... I think I truly don't care who knows who I am anymore.... I may feel compelled to unleash the information one day, but for now, goodnight.

Why do I feel like crap?

Why do I feel like crap? I pose this question to the society which caused this. There are guys who will cuddle with a woman and fondle her breasts without a care in the world, because socially, its accepted as proper sexual contact. So, why is it every time I enter a relationship, even after admitting my preferences, after having reached 3rd base, after establishing our bodies are free for each other to enjoy. My hands are nervous, terrified even, to even scrape against her belly, to take a handful of her extra flesh, to run my fingers over her curves. I do it, she looks at me, and my mind crafts the illusion that she feels extremely awkward, I feel like a complete pervert, just for enjoying a different bodily feature. I feel brick after brick drop in my stomach, a migraine starts up, it lasts for weeks.

She isn't feeling awkward, she's open, she understands, but its a deep crimson shame I feel. I feel like crying, as though I let out something embarrassing, something that is evil out of me. But it isn't evil in the slightest. Why does this happen? Its social conditioning. From our earliest sexual memories, we see women caressed in all the right places, we hear about women being caressed in all the right places, and those body parts which are not mentioned, are despised, mocked, seen as ridiculous. A girl I'm in a relationship is eating, and I can't help but being turned on, she notices, and smiles, and I turn to stone, horrible feeling in the pit of my gut, I feel like crap, and its because society teaches us women shouldn't eat a lot, the secret to attractiveness and health is eating very little actual food, salad, salad, salad. She eats a burger and fries, and the fact its currently expanding her stomach, the fact the fat cells will coalesce into thicker layers on her skin. It gets me horny, she accepts it, but my head is held low.

It isn't fair, it isn't fair that our completely normal fantasy is destroyed because society sees no beauty but thin. We cannot even enjoy our private sexuality, it is still a source of pain. My current girlfriend will ask me to massage her stomach, she's more than cool with me grabbing her love handles and belly during sex, she has gained 30 pounds by accident, and plans to maintain her size, I rub her stomach so much shes picked up the habit, and will do it to tease me, she'll push it into me, eat sexually in front of me, she has let me belly fuck her for gods sake (For all those missing out, its pretty amazing, pro tip, the stomach rubs on the surface of the penis, penis does not enter belly fat or belly button, don't need any injuries). Shes done all this, shes started to slowly, very slowly show the first tendrils of developing a slight attraction to her size, she talks dirty to me talking about her curvaceous figure, she does so much to make me comfortable.....

.... but I still feel like crap. Its sad, its the old saying from 1984, If everyone, and everything believes a lie, and you know the truth, does that mean you're insane? Or does majority truly rule?.... I believe the truth, that any woman could be beautiful, but I've been conditioned, and there's no way out of it except time.

Monday, November 17, 2008

What I would give to live just 50 years ago

50 years ago, it is the smallest generic time frame that refers to an American society that had a healthy mental image. Women may not have had as much of a societal role, but they were less shallow, they knew they didn't need to be paper thin to be attractive, they knew attractiveness was at a healthy average weight, not at 90 pounds. They didn't guilt people for their preferences, and they sure as hell didn't treat big girls as sub-human.

It was around 50 years ago that capitalism stepped in to do the one thing it does the worst. Sure, we get low prices, an amazing ability to create industries, but we also have a greed beyond greed because of our ability to make money off anything. Around this time, someone found an industry, they found the weight loss industry, and this started a propaganda campaign that not only was unknown to the consumer, but probably unnoticed by suppliers as well. Eventually, we reached today, the pinnacle and still rising. We don't even remember a time when you didn't need to be small to be attractive. Women are taught from birth to keep skinny. And the obsession arose, and it will not fall easily. Weight loss has expanded into a colossal industry, everyone needs to be thin, fat is evil, it isn't healthy, being average weight isn't even healthy anymore. The lies keep spreading, women are becoming more and more scrawny. The tinier the better, the bonier, the sexier. Food is the enemy, the industry itself spawns its customers, those predisposed towards obesity grow larger because they use food to relieve the stress of being treated unfairly, of being pressured to diet. The industry spawns its own problem, which is where we enter an endless cycle, it has started, and unfortunately, no one has thought of a way to end it.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

So I got bored

Hello to any random observers of my page, though I cannot give you my full name, you can call me Alex. I have few worries that this page will be discovered by friends or family, however I believe there isn't enough intelligence surfacing within the realm of fat admiration, or at least, not many intellectuals, or eloquent writers.

Allow me to further introduce myself. I am an 18 year old man living in New York state. I'm an engineering major and I'm applying to Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute to major in aerospace engineering. I plan to work for NASA, and aspire to design rockets, and spacecraft. I'm a musician and write/play a variety of classic rock on guitar, of course, I find difficulty in finding high school band-mates interested in my genre of music. I currently have a beautiful girlfriend who, after suffering horrible self conscious issues throughout her life, is now much more comfortable with her body as a whole due to my attractions.

I have a strong belief that sexuality in western society is leading to a renewed period of privatization of all sorts of sexuality, much like the late 19th century. My view is based on a factor unconsidered by most who state the opposite of my theory. Sexual fetishism. Western sexuality is a closed box to many for a variety of reasons. The first of which is the media, which does everything in its power to assert impossibly thin models for beauty. This in turn causes the public to shun all other forms of sexuality. Eventually, since the majority of the popular could be argued to have sexuality differing from the norm, if we factor in every single homosexual, everyone who prefers a woman with a little bit more flesh, everyone who focuses on ears, noses, feet, and violence. Chances are, the mainstream sexuality, while in the majority, is heavily outnumbered by an underground conglomeration of minority sexualities, and though we are not organized, nor plan to organize, nor even contain striking similarities, we are still a majority. If the majority is shunned into believing their attractions are unnatural, or disgusting, then the populace of western civilization will undoubtably be less happy than if they were allowed to pursue their perversions. (Please note, paraphelias are not included in this argument, at least, none of the harmful ones, such as Pedophilia and rape fetishes). Not only this, the societal norm depicting impossibly thin, and oftentimes, disgustingly out of proportion women leads to the new rise in eating disorders, horribly sad conditions which afflict millions of men and women.

Thats all for now, I will return with further ranting later